1986 - BAND OF THE HAND, another forgotten action film

This film has the distinction of having Michael Mann as the executive producer who was the next big thing thanks to his trend setting TV series Miami Vice.  Well when you're that hot you can get a film, the chosen film was this under performer, Band of the Hand.  

The story is basically a rehash of The Dirty Dozen this time it's juvenile delinquents instead of convicts who need to be rehabilitated. Apparently law enforcement needs them to kill a lot of Miami underworld tough guys instead of Nazis.  Since Mann filmed his series Miami Vice in Miami he had the facilities to shoot this story in the same style he used on his TV show.

 

The end result was actually kind of tepid the movie seems stylish enough but the cast of young nobody actors doesn't make much of an impression and this seen it before plot doesn't help matters.

 

The film was directed by actor turned director Paul Michael Glasser.  White guy actor Stephen Lang is the leader of the group playing a Native American.  James Remar who played lots of bad guys plays the head bad guy.  Laurence Fishburne is the jive talking drug dealer.  You the picture.

Written by Leo Garen and Jack Baran.  The running time is 110 minutes. 

1986 - WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE, a violent entertaining action film.

Wanted Dead Or Alive is supposedly a continuation of the series that starred Steve McQueen as a bounty hunter.  It was essentially another Western TV show that plagued the television watching public in the late 1950's to early 1960's.  McQueen played a character named Josh Randall.  This updated film which uses the title of the series and not much else features Josh Randall's descendant Nick Randall who is also a modern bounty hunter.  But who's kidding who here.  Nick Randall is played by Dutch actor Rutger Hauer and he is supposed to be a descendant of Indiana born Steve McQueen!

This is a violent 1980's action film.  It's also almost a nostalgia piece with all that supposedly high tech 1980's hardware such as land line phones and evil Arab terrorists which our hero has to contend with.  Nick Randall lives on a boat and romances a flight attendant named Terry working on her PHD of course.  Nick's also got a cop friend who is pretty much around to give Nick information on the Arab terrorists and eventually get shot which prompts Nick into a fury of violent revenge.  Since this was an era of not trusting the United States Government, one of the agencies of the United States is cooperating with the Arabs for their own secret reasons.  Needless to say Nick will sort all of this out by killing just about everybody in sight.

 

Beside Rutger Hauer, the film has a not uninteresting cast.  Gene Simmons from "Kiss" plays the head of the evil Arabs.  Mel Harris the future star of Thirtysomething where she played the tiresome Hope Steadmen, is Hauer's girlfriend.  Robert Guillaume from Benson is a government agent helping Nick Travis out.

 

Wanted Dead Or Alive is a violent 1980's action film but I have to admit this is a very well made violent action film.  The director Gary Sherman does a good job staging all the shootings and car chases. Rutger Hauer certainly looks ruthless enough to play a bounty hunter and the whole 1980's setting makes me warm and fuzzy for the good old  movie days when the action scenes weren't created by a computer.

The film was written by Michael Patrick Goodman, Brian Taggert and Gary Sherman, the running time is 104 minutes.

1986 - THE MAGIC CRYSTAL, dumb rip off of Spielberg films

Painful to sit through, hard to believe anyone covered themselves in glory with this martial arts/fantasy/comedy.  This film is an outrageous rip off of a lot of better films.

Andy Lau is a bounty hunter who works with the police to bring criminals to justice of course.  He has a moronic sidekick named Snooker who is in the film to provide unfunny comic relief.   Andy Lau also has a cute kid nephew named Ban-ban who is around to constantly get in some sort of dangerous situation.  Also in the cast is Cynthia Rothrock as a martial arts Interpol agent.  Enough about the cast.

The story involves Ban-ban finding a Magic Crystal which talks to him and gives him special powers. The crystal is supposedly a piece of jade but looks like lime jello that sat out on the kitchen counter  for a week. Some evil henchmen led by Australian marital arts champion Richard Norton want the crystal for its magic powers.  Cue the fight scenes, and there are a lot of them, although for the most part they are well done.

 

The Magic Crystal talks to the kid (E.T. ripoff), Snooker falls out of windows, Cynthia Rothrock hits a lot of people and the whole thing ends up in an underground cave where there is an alien spaceship that has been stuck on earth forever (Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull ripoff).  The movie is just a forgettable mess which I unfortunately sat through after shutting it off 2 or 3 times.

 The running time is 95 minutes, the film was written by the director Wong Jing.  

1986 - RAW DEAL, Standard Schwarzenegger action movie,

It you are looking for a pure action film with no plot to speak of and a lot of fighting, shooting and blowing up of stuff then Raw Deal is the film for you.  Arnold walks through the film hitting and shooting and generally making a mess of the Chicago underworld.

However for all the talent involved in front and behind the camera there is a curious lack of engagement.  The director John Irvin had proven himself in the action genre with films like The Dogs of War and Hamburger Hill.  The writers Gary Devore and Norman Wexler were good Hollywood professionals and Alex Thompson the cinematographer and the editor Anne Coates were well regarded film technicians.  But nobody seemed even remotely interested in making a good action film.

 

The producer put together an excellent cast for Raw Deal, Ed Lauter, Steven Hill, Paul Shenar, Sam Wanamaker, Darrin McGavin and the underrated Kathryn Harrold as a past her prime party girl.    Harrold is probably the best thing in this film. Unfortunately it was all for nothing.  There just wasn't much they could do to breath any kind of life into this film.

 

At the climax when Arnold shoots up most of the cast the action is so rote that a viewer probably won't care if he succeeds in eliminating all of the bad guys or not.  In essence this is a very generic action film.

The running time is 101 minutes

1986 - MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE , a film for teenage boys with too much Testosterone

When Maximum Overdrive was released it was to put it kindly not a hit, audiences stayed away.  Critics crucified it and the director, novelist Stephen King really put it down.  King was apparently drunk and high on cocaine throughout the making of the movie so that might account for it's somewhat amateur film making although I kind of doubt it.

The plot has machines, cars, trucks, ATM's, video games you name it gaining intelligence apparently after a comet flies by the earth.  The machines proceed with killing off any human beings that get in their way.  The film focuses on a group of people trapped in a truck stop surrounded by menacing semi trucks who circle the truck stop like one of those old westerns where the circle of wagon trains are attacked by a group of menacing Native Americans.

 

Stephen King's intention was probably to make a B movie with lots of action, i.e. things blowing up.  At least I believe it was. The film isn't really as bad as the critics say it is, it's just dumb fun.  From the  AC/DC soundtrack to the stash of anti tank weapons the owner of the truck stop has in his basement.  Just in case he needs to blow up possessed semi trucks, well you get the picture.  Mix this with a lot of silly black humor and it's safe to say this film was clearly not to be taken even remotely seriously.

 

The film ends with a title card indicating that a UFO has been controlling all this machine mischief on earth and was finally shot down by a Russian nuclear bomb.  Probably as good an explanation as you are going to get for this movie.  

Written by Stephen King, the running time is 98 minutes.

1986 - RUNNING SCARED, standard buddy cop film stuff.

There's nothing particularly wrong with this buddy cop film from the 1980's but it's not that special.  Comedian Billy Crystal and dancer Gregory Hines are the usual buddy cop team running around Chicago busting heads.  After taking a vacation down in Key West, Florida they decide to retire from the Chicago PD and run their own business in Florida.  The film deals with the two cops trying to finish out their time as cops before they retire without getting themselves killed.  Hence the title Running Scared.

This film was directed by Peter Hyams and per usual photographed by him as well.  It's one of Hyams rare films where he doesn't have a story or screenplay credit. The action scenes are fairly well staged particularly a chase on the famous Chicago "L" line and a shoot out in a high rise towards the end after Crystal's ex wife played by former model Darlanne Fluegel, is taken hostage by some (what else) evil drug kingpin.

 

Crystal and Hines seem like an odd pair to be playing cops but I'm going to assume the thought was to cast against type.  The actor Jimmy Smits early in his career is in the cliched role of the Hispanic drug dealer, it's all fairly standard stuff when you get right down to it.  However the actors do a fairly decent job with their roles.

No great shakes as a film but not bad.   It was written by Gary DeVore and  Jimmy Huston,  the film runs 107 minutes and was moderately successful.

1986 - THREE AMIGOS, an unfunny comedy to put it mildly,

A low point for just about everyone involved in this film.  Steve Martin, Randy Newman of all people and Lorene Michaels all known for their supposed comedy chops put together this unfunny story about three silent actors mistaken for gunfighters. Somehow they end up fighting off bandits in a small Mexican town. What we have here is a supposed comedy version of The Magnificent Seven.  

The director was John Landis was apparently past his prime as a hipster comedy director when he got involved in this mess.  What is hard to understand about this film is that everyone involved was just completely clueless about how bad the script was.  I can only assume the usual Hollywood egos were wrapped up in this production without the ability to critique their work. Probably nobody had the guts to tell all these so called big time comic geniuses that the film was a stinker.

 

This is the stuff that passed for comedy in the 1980's.  Get three supposedly hot TV comics and just assume they could do a bunch of funny stuff to make a funny movie.  

Highly not recommended.  

The running time is 103 minutes.

1986 - PIRATES, Roman Polanski's idea of a fun pirate movie

 After a well regarded literary adaption called Tess.  Roman Polanski wanted his next film to be a fun pirate romp for younger audiences.  Taking inspiration from his favorite Disneyland ride, The Pirates of the Caribbean, Polanski decided on making a swashbuckler.

But Polanski being Polanski this fun film is very strange.  It has scenes of attempted cannibalism, people vomiting, stepping on dog poop and a very odd rat eating scene.  Just the kind of stuff to induce an audience to see it.

The film also has a beautiful damsel in distress who at the end of the film doesn't get rescued and looks to end up marrying the chief villain of the film.

Walter Matthau is the lead playing a character called Captain Red and in spite of the strange casting he's actually pretty good as a pirate.  Polanski had intended to play Captain Red's sidekick a Frenchman called "The Frog,"  but instead the part actually went to a French actor.  

The film has lots of action and it's an impressive production, the film does have some weird funny stuff in it and if you are a fan of this director's sense of humor,  you might laugh out loud at some of the scenes Polanski has staged.

The film was unsurprisingly a big flop.  Roman Polanski and his frequent collaborators Gerard Bach and John Brownjohn wrote the screenplay.  The running time is 112 very weird minutes.

1986 - ON WINGS OF EAGLES, clunky retelling of a true story

The supposed true story of businessman Ross Perot and his efforts to free some of his executives detained in Iran just as the Ayatollah Khomeini came to power.  Perot was the president of EDS (Electronic Data Systems) which had a contract with Iran to set up data processing systems.  Two of his executives were detained by the Iranian government in a contract dispute with EDS. 

Burt Lancaster plays the ex military officer, Bull Simmons who Perot hires to lead a team of company executives who travel to Iran to plan an escape.  Simmons was a legendary special forces operative who knew Perot.  The miniseries revolves around the efforts of Perot and Simmons to escape from Iran and travel cross country into Turkey and safety.

 

The miniseries was filmed in Mexico and also features Richard Crenna hilariously miscast as Ross Perot and the usual bunch of TV actors that rotated from one series to another.  Andrew V McLaglen directed and for him the film has a little more pace and verve then usual.  Lancaster was 73 years old and was definitely in the the twilight of his career.  Television was kind of a last stop for aging Hollywood superstar actors.

 

Ken Folliet the author of the book and Sam Rolfe adapted the book into a screenplay and the story seems a little clunky and frankly kind of unbelievable.  The miniseries runs 241 minutes.

1986 - A SMOKY MOUNTAIN CHRISTMAS. #6 in the Christmas film marathon

It's sure not getting any easier watching Christmas films this month.  I decided on a different approach and went with more established entertainment personalities.  That is how I ended up watching a film with Dolly Parton and Lee Majors as the stars and actor Henry Winker calling the shots behind the camera. 

Lee is first billed on the credits but Dolly takes a screen credit for original story and what a story.  Dolly plays a famous country western singer who wants to get back to her roots by returning to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  She goes to a remote cabin where she finds seven count em seven orphans hiding out.  She meets Lee Majors playing a character called Mountain Dan and there is an evil mountain witch involved.  Yes, Dolly has cribbed the plot for her original story from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Usually in these Christmas movies the director has one obnoxious child actor to deal with but Director Winkler must have had his hands full dealing with seven of these little monsters, none of whom can act.  Dolly plays herself and sings a lot of songs on the guitar.  In fact she spits out Christmas songs like they were used pieces of chewing gum.  Lee Majors as "Mountain Dan"  plays the same character he always played in The Fall Guy or The Six Million Dollar Man, so there is some comfort in.  Henry Winkler doesn't show much talent behind the camera the film is barely competent in the staging, the actors kind of stumble around the sets.

 Throughout the film the viewer is constantly reminded of what a "hot chick" Dolly Parton is.  Frankly with her weird body, painted on makeup and her very large hair which actually overshadows her very large bosom she's kind of gross and how many women living in a cabin in the mountains walk around in stiletto heels?

Another horrible holiday movie which has nothing to do with the Christmas holiday.

94 minutes.

1986 - PEKING OPERA BLUES, action comedy from Tsui Hark is a masterpiece of entertainment

Another highly entertaining film from Tsui Hark frequently called the Steven Spielberg of Hong Kong although you could make a pretty good argument that it should be the other way around.

The film is unusual in that it has three women as the leads.  Most interesting is the presence of Brigitte Lin a woman who frequently played androgynous roles in Hong Kong cinema. 

This is Tsui Hark in the prime of his box office period perfectly combining his action style with some broad farcical comedy.  Peking Opera Blues was a big success for him.

I am deliberately avoiding discussing the plot to this film or any details of Peking Opera Blues, this is one of the top films coming out of Hong Kong cinema in the 1980's from a master filmmaker. 

104 minutes.

1986 - CAPTAIN EO, Michael Jackson's 3D film

Michael Jackson is Captain EO who will use the power of music to turn an evil alien Queen into a much nicer person in Disney's 23 million dollar 3D short made for presentation at the Disney theme parks.

This was released at the height of Jackson's fame, and re-released at the second height of Jackson's fame his death.  The 3D film had some big Hollywood talent, Francis Ford Coppola directed, George Lucas was the executive producer, Vittorio Storato was the cinematographer.  The result looks pretty mediocre

I saw this film when it was originally released at Disney world and remembered being some what impressed but not exactly overawed.  The viewing experience in the theater was fairly comfortable and the 3D glasses didn't hurt my face.  As I recall the 3D effects were decent if unspectacular.

Re-watching this 25 years later Captian Eo looks mighty cheesy.  The whole thing was probably a quick cash grab for Coppola and Lucas.  The dancing is nothing special and the two songs by Michael Jackson are equally unmemorable.  The crew of misfits that Jackson commands are the usual bunch of science fiction creatures created to sell stuffed animals at a Disney tourist trap store.  

Michael Jackson was never anyone's idea of being a charter member of the  "he man woman hater's club member."  He doesn't really seem to have much screen presence and doesn't bring a lot to the party.  Considering the talent and personalities involved the whole thing could have been a little better.

17 minutes, written by George Lucas, Rusty Lemonade and Coppola.

1986 - MEETIN' WA Jean-Luc Godard sort of interviews Woody Allen

Jean-Luc Godard sits down with Woody Allen in Allen's New York townhouse (which has a very nice view of Central Park),  for an interview.

Godard  and Allen talk a little about film and the effects of television on the viewer.  Allen seems very nervous and tends to repeat a lot of the same answers he has given in previous interviews.  He talks about how dissatisfied he is with his films after he completes them, he reminisces about the good old days attending films in a theater before the advent of VHS tapes.  He really doesn't say anything interesting.

What's interesting about the film is what Godard does with it.  He plays around with it inserting titles throughout, slows it up, fades it to black and in one odd scene, films himself stacking boxes of what I presume are Woody Allen films.  Godard also puffs on a cigar throughout the film, for a non smoker like Allen that must have been a little annoying.  Godard looks like a scruffy bum.

This short film is actually kind of funny and was fun to watch, clearly Godard was having a good time making it.  Woody has a "deer in the headlights" look throughout it.  He's probably wondering how in the hell he got mixed up in all of this.

26 minutes.

1986 - CRIME STORY, TV pilot, lots of flash same old stuff

Tough Chicago cop takes on a tough gangster.  This was a TV pilot for a show that was to follow these two characters through 20 years of conflict.  The series was supposed to start in the early 1960's and run through the 1980's, it ended up lasting 2 seasons.

Michael Mann was one of the producers and cult director Abel Ferrara was hired to direct.  Money was spent on an authentic 1960's atmosphere.  The result was yet another typical cop show. 

This is the usual tough talking cop who has put together a "team" of colorful tough cop characters not afraid to "bend the rules" to "get the job done."  The criminals are all the leftovers from The Godfather.

Considering the money spent on this pilot the whole thing is kind of pathetic in it's utter banality.

The french director Jean Pierre Melville was a lot better at taking these kind of retread crime stories and making interesting films out of them

97 minutes.

1986 -BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, John Carpenter's attempt to introduce Hong Kong fantasy films.

A personal favorite when it came out 25 years ago, I'm not so sure Big Trouble in Little China completely works as a fantasy/comedic/action film.  John Carpenter is good at the action scenes and knows how to build suspense scenes, but at times he seems to struggle finding the right tone for the film.

Big Trouble in Little China requires a director who can walk the line between the campy dialog, fantasy scenes and explaining all the oriental mysticism that make up the film.  Carpenter also had to contend with the fact that at the time the film came out, these over the top fantasy films from Hong Kong were pretty tough for an American audience to understand.

At the time I saw the film, I thought Kurt Russell was sending up a typical John Wayne performance with all of his macho posturing.  Russell now seems a little more on the hammy side than he probably needs to be.  He also doesn't seem to be entirely buying into the premise of the film.

Still, the film does have a lot to recommend it.  It's a one of a kind film, with lots of crazy optical and practical effects, plenty of martial arts action and John Carpenter's very smooth film technique.
 

I saw this film at a 25th anniversary revival.  The studio struck a new 35 mm print for it and the print looked very good.  The trouble was that the projectionist had such little skill running the film, that he tended to miss the film cues and started the reel changes with the white film leader being shown.

Digital projection is taking its toll on the old fashioned way of showing films, apparently projectionists don't know how to run a film with actual celluloid in in.

99 minutes, written by Gary Goldman, David Z. Weinstein and W. D. Richter.

1986 - NIGHT OF THE CREEPS, space/zombie/horror/comedy

The things I like:

• 1980's hair thing going on with the cast.
• Lack of CGI special effects, everything is mostly mechanical effects
• Space parasite slugs eating the brains out of college guys turning them into dangerous zombies.
• 1980's hair thing going on with the cast.
• B-movie actor Tom Atkins as a suicidal police detective.
• The flamethrower.
• Space aliens.
• Very gratuitous nude shower scene with the female cast.
• The mowing the zombie with a lawnmower gag.
• "Chicks in their underwear" as John Candy liked to say.

Night of the Creeps tries to mix humor with horror but sometimes it just doesn't work.  I get that an audience needs a little tension relief during a horror film but this film tends to get a little stupid.  One scene where the girl is breaking up with her zombie boyfriend is pretty lame.

The film will probably never be the cult classic the filmmakers appeared to be hoping for.  However it's a decent time killer.  It's actually pretty tough to make a film mixing horror and comedy and get that mixture just right without it tipping over into the excess of overly campy and outright silly.

A nice try.

88 minutes.