1997 - THE 2ND DAY OF CHRISTMAS, #7

More from the Christmas clone machine with a few twists.  This one was filmed in Canada with Vancouver subbing for New York City so at least there is snow on the ground.

The cast is not that bad.  Mark Ruffalo who now plays The Hulk in those Marvel movies is the lead.  The Hulk character is either a step up from bad Christmas movies or a step down for Ruffalo.  Mary Stuart Masterson is the female lead.  She's a shoplifter who plays the Aunt to yet another child actress.  Masterson  is trying to raise the kid by making the peculiar parenting choice of teaching her to shoplift.  She gets caught by the Hulk guy and in a very contrived situation has to spend the Christmas holiday with him.  Guess what's going to happen next?

Just more of the same in this movie.  The 2nd Day of Christmas is competently directed by James Frawley who has had a long career directing TV shows and movies.  He directed the first Muppet movie and that funny cult classic The Big Bus.  So at least this thing is well made.

96 Minutes.

1986 - A SMOKY MOUNTAIN CHRISTMAS. #6 in the Christmas film marathon

It's sure not getting any easier watching Christmas films this month.  I decided on a different approach and went with more established entertainment personalities.  That is how I ended up watching a film with Dolly Parton and Lee Majors as the stars and actor Henry Winker calling the shots behind the camera. 

Lee is first billed on the credits but Dolly takes a screen credit for original story and what a story.  Dolly plays a famous country western singer who wants to get back to her roots by returning to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  She goes to a remote cabin where she finds seven count em seven orphans hiding out.  She meets Lee Majors playing a character called Mountain Dan and there is an evil mountain witch involved.  Yes, Dolly has cribbed the plot for her original story from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Usually in these Christmas movies the director has one obnoxious child actor to deal with but Director Winkler must have had his hands full dealing with seven of these little monsters, none of whom can act.  Dolly plays herself and sings a lot of songs on the guitar.  In fact she spits out Christmas songs like they were used pieces of chewing gum.  Lee Majors as "Mountain Dan"  plays the same character he always played in The Fall Guy or The Six Million Dollar Man, so there is some comfort in.  Henry Winkler doesn't show much talent behind the camera the film is barely competent in the staging, the actors kind of stumble around the sets.

 Throughout the film the viewer is constantly reminded of what a "hot chick" Dolly Parton is.  Frankly with her weird body, painted on makeup and her very large hair which actually overshadows her very large bosom she's kind of gross and how many women living in a cabin in the mountains walk around in stiletto heels?

Another horrible holiday movie which has nothing to do with the Christmas holiday.

94 minutes.

2010 - CHRISTMAS CUPID, #5 in the Christmas countdown

This is the Christmas movie where our heroine is called a "slut" and a "bitch" by a Christmas spirit in this updating of the Charles Dickens story.

What can be said by now upon finishing this Christmas film.  Some singer who I've barely heard of named Christina Milan is visited by the ghosts of three boyfriends from the past, present and future.  I've got the drill by down by now, it's another film about a woman trying to get a boyfriend with the Christmas holiday serving as the background to all this relationship stuff.

I'm not exactly sure who the intended audience for this film was.  You wouldn't want to watch it with Grandma and probably not with your younger daughter the last thing anyone needs in a Christmas movie is a bunch of pseudo sexuality stuck into a so called Christmas film.

Well anyway as with the previous films, it's poorly acted and badly written.  This movie does have a little more polish to it mostly because the production had a bigger budget than the other films I've been watching.  Still Christmas Cupid is a very worthless film.

85 minutes.

2004 - A VERY COOL CHRISTMAS, #4 in the Christmas movie viewing marathon

Crappy production values, another look-a-like bunch of teenage actors and "where's my paycheck" performer George Hamilton probably shooting every scene in one take so he could get the hell off the set. 

This is a so called Christmas comedy involves for lack of a better phrase. A valley girl hanging around at the shopping mall comes to realize that the real Santa Claus is actually working the kid greeting kiosk posing for pictures.  For reasons that are just incredibly stupid, she gives Santa a makeover and he comes out looking like George Hamilton.  But not just any old George Hamilton he has his special Santa powers of flying in a sled or a hot sports car and popping down chimneys.  

The valley girl played by some actress named Brooke Niven was the future star of I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer, is another bubble brained latte drinking teenager that accompanies Santa Hamilton on his Christmas Eve journey.  There seems to be a lot of these types of teenagers showing up in Christmas movies.

As stupid as this movie is it still can't touch A Mom For Christmas as the bottom of the barrel of recent Christmas movies.  Frankly, watching these films is getting tough.

90 minutes.

2007 - A GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS, #3 in the Christmas film countdown.

A slight improvement in quality from the previous Christmas epic A Mom for Christmas.  This film is better only because the cast of professional actors is so much better than the non-acting bunch of that film with one exception.  That exception is yet another dreadful little child actor named Juliette Goglia.  This kid not only over emotes but sings and dances like some kind of Las Vegas showgirl.  Goglia just can't sing a song at a school Christmas pageant she has to murder it.  She dances and struts all over the stage like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls.

Probably the main attraction is the adult cast of the film.  It's a list of professional TV actors headed by that old trooper Ernest Borgnine who must have been pushing about 90 years old when they finished this.  Borgnine worked into his mid 90's in the entertainment business.

Honestly, this film isn't so hot.  The story is another one of those family dramas where nobody likes or understands each other mostly because of some misunderstanding that occurred years ago.  These kinds of stories could be easily resolved if everyone sat down and talked to each other but then there would be no movie.

This is the kind of film that would be considered safe viewing for the entire family.  Everyone can relate to a sentimental story of a family coming together during the Christmas season and Ernest Borgnine is basically a big loveable teddy bear.

120 minutes