1975 - ADVENTURES OF THE WILDERNESS FAMILY, of historical interest.

The Adventures of the Wilderness, is a family entertainment.  The film is wholesome almost to a fault.  This bunch has to be some of the whitest white people on the planet.  Yet the message of the film somewhat muddles up all of this wholesomeness.  The family has left Denver because of the smog and industrialization that has made the daughter sick.  Apparently moving out of Denver to the suburbs wasn't an option.  This family has chosen to move way the hell out to the middle of nowhere.  This "granola live off the land" existence is somewhat at odds with the message of the film which appears to be the American way of life sucks so lets go into the woods and grow stuff like a bunch of hippies.

What plot there is pretty much involves building a log cabin for everyone to live in, talk about togetherness.  The log cabin building is frequently interrupted by someone, usually one of the kids being chased by a wild animal with Dad coming to the rescue.  And that's it.  There's no soul searching about the children being isolated from human contact, no introspection about what it means to co exist with nature,  just a lot of scenes of kids getting chased by bears, or wolves or cougars.

The director is Stewart Raffill who made a lot of these kinds of films.  Besides The Wilderness Family, his film making cannon includes Across The Great Divide, The Sea Gypsies and that E.T. rip off Mac and Me. 

These films were usually advertised on television with the ads running so often that it basically hynotized the viewer into dragging himself or herself and family to see these films.  Considering the relatively low budget these films were made on (there's lots of shots of the boom mike dropping into view), these film made some decent money.

100 minutes.

1945 - THE SEVENTH VEIL, incredibly over the top and incredibly entertaining drama

This is a mix of classical music and psychology which would probably give 50 Shades of Grey a run for it's money in the sexual masochism department.  British actor Ann Todd really plays off of her ice princess look is the ward of James Mason her rich benefactor who all but physically tortures her into becoming a famous classical pianist.  When Todd falls in love with an artist, Mason takes his cane and hits Todd's hands with it so she will never be able to perform again.  This is the high point of the film.

Into the mix with Mason and Todd's fun and games is Herbert Lom as the psychiatrist tying to straighten things.  This film would have a viewer believe that one visit to Lom and with a little shot of some kind of narcotic, Todd is running her mouth off to Lom about her strange private life.  Herbert Lom is probably remembered today as Chief Inspector Dreyfuss in the Pink Panther movies.

All this stuff is very entertaining for some reason and this film was a huge hit in England in the 1940's.  Even watching it today it is incredibly easy to get caught up in this story and I'm not actually sure why.  Is it Mason's performance or Todd's porcelain looks?  Do the classical music excerpts that run throughout the film add a layer of class to the film? Finally, is the strange masochist streak that runs through the Mason and Todd relationship some sort of erotic turn on for an audience?

Whatever is going on in this film it's very entertaining and something of a forerunner in the erotic thriller genre.

94 minutes

1959 - Ten Seconds to Hell, is subpar Aldrich

In probably a match made in Hell.   Robert Aldrich teamed up with Hammer Studios to make this film about a bomb disposal unit working in Berlin at the end of World War II.  Aldrich cast Jeff Chandler, Jack Palance and Martine Carol.  In a typically perverse Aldrich move, Jeff Chandler who usually played good guys is the bad guy and Jack Palance who usually played bad guys is the good guy.  Marine Carol was sort of a "oh la la" Marilyn Monroe sex symbol because in movies you always have to have a girl.

The plot involves a bomb disposal unit of ex German soldiers who one by one get blown to smithereens by unexploded British bombs.  The tension arises from figuring out who will survive this suicidal job.

The chief problem with Ten Seconds to Hell is that it is kind of boring.  The bomb disposal scenes should have had almost a Hitchcockian approach to ramping up the suspense but curiously these scenes are completely lacking in any kind of interest or tension.  Supposedly Hammer Studios was so disappointed in the finished film that they removed about 30 minutes from Aldrich's original cut.  Aldrich felt that this made the film incomprehensible but after viewing this film and in particular the scenes involving the disarming of the bombs I don't think adding 30 minutes to the running time would have helped this story.

Robert Aldrich was always a director who liked his films a little over the top.  In this case it would seem that in spite of Jack Palance's rather eccentric performance, the finished film was just to conventional for such a dramatic subject.

93 minutes

2014 - INTO THE WOODS, another attempt at a film musical

Here we go again, another shot at making a contemporary musical in a genre that is mostly dead these days.  Into the Woods is based on the Sondheim Broadway musical which was a reworking of classic fairy tales with a modern twist.  Sondheim and his associate James Lapine's big insight in this film is that fairy tales don't always have happy endings.  This is something that I will not be going through life worrying about.

As is the trend with contemporary musicals these days.  The cast is made up of actors who can barely carry a tune.  But the nice thing about a Steve Sondheim song is that they mostly don't worry about tunes it's mostly a lot of rhythmic patter.  Between the non singers and the non songs it's fairly easy to juggle a singing performance out of an actor who is not a professional singer.

The chief exception to this non singer actor stuff is Meryl Streep.  After slaughtering about every ABBA song she got near in Mama Mia.  Streep takes a shot at murdering some of the songs in this film.  Streep tops it off with her very broad performance as the witch.  I know the witch is probably supposed to be a larger than life character but she could at least come off like she wasn't phoning it in with a megaphone.

The basic fact is that there is no longer the talent or resources to make film musicals anymore.  This genre died out with MGM in the 1950's.   That a mediocre film like Into the Woods could get decent reviews and box office show how far the musical genre has fallen.

 124 minutes, screenplay by James Lapine.

1963 - THE BIRDS, probably the last good Hitchcock film.

With the death of Rod Taylor it was a good opportunity to look at one of Taylor's better films, The Birds.  The Birds is the beginning of Alfred Hitchcock's association with Universal Studios.  It also stands out as the last good Hitchcock picture.  Everything starts to go downhill for Hitchcock after this film. 

Hitchcock directs The Birds

The Birds is the first appearance of Hitchock's ingenue Tippi Hedren, who it appears Hitchcock developed a supposedly unhealthy obsession with. Hedren was a model who Hitchcock personally groomed for stardom.  Her lack of acting experience really hurt Marnie and her career never really recovered.   Here she seems OK in the role of a spoiled playgirl, she was clearly carefully directed by Hitchcock.

 

 

The Birds is a very good film, extremely well directed by Hitchcock.  The special effects are now routinely criticized but considering the number of challenges just getting live birds to do anything  would have to had been a significant achievement.  

Hitchcock very deliberately kept the motivations and actions of the birds a mystery and the film has been frequently described as Hitchcock's end of the world film.  There is certainly an apocalyptic subtext that runs throughout the film.  In any case, this is a film made by a master film maker.

119 minutes, screenplay by Evan Hunter.

1960 - THE TIME MACHINE, a good George Pal film.

Considering the modest budget that George Pal had to work with, The Time Machine is a pretty impressive film.  This film looks good, the sets, photography and special effects have a real charm to them.  Most importantly the time machine itself is one cool looking prop.

The film has a small but interesting group of actors.  Character actors such as Whit Bissell, Alan Young, Sebastian Cabot and Tom Helmore are fun to see.   Rod Taylor is perfectly cast as the scientist who can jump into action when the Morlocks are ready to start chomping on his pretty Eloi girlfriend played by the very pretty Yvette Mimieux. 

This was a film that made a big impression on me when I was a kid and it still holds up pretty well.  A good cast and story can carry a film a long way and make for a very entertaining viewing experience.

103 minutes.

2014 - JACK RYAN: SHADOW RECRUIT, another reboot

An attempt to reboot the Tom Clancy "Jack Ryan" series with a new plot and a new cast.  The last try was with Ben Affleck as Clancy in The Sum of All Fears.  This one has what the studio considered to be a hot young cast, Chris Pine and Keira Knightley,  Throw in a couple of veterans, Kevin Costner and Kenneth Branagh with Branagh directing and I'm sure everyone thought they had another potential franchise.

What the studio got was just an OK spy thriller.  There's nothing particularly bad about this film but it's just a "seen it all before" spy movie with the usual fight scenes, sneaking around stuff and a last minute race to stop a terrorist attack on New York City.

Chris Pine and Keira Knightley are the leads.  The chief problem with them is their complete lack of chemistry as a couple.  Also, the script has to do a lot of contortions to get them together for the big spy mission  it really makes no sense she would follow him to Russia for a romantic weekend and frankly hurts the credibility of the plot.  Branagh is the Russian bad guy in this film.  He's got the smooth sophisticated evil super villain down but if you've seen any James Bond films at all you've seen this character before.  

The action scenes are OK but again nothing special.  This film ends up being strictly a time killer not good, not bad, really not anything.

105 minutes written Adam Cozad and David Koepp.

2013 - NEBRASKA, a family drama very well made.

Bruce Dern is actually restrained for a change in Nebraska.  Usually Dern is all over the place playing his usual eccentric weirdo character in films.  The director Alexander Payne has Dern and all the actors keep the acting under the radar as benefits this very low key film.  Payne even got away with shooting the film in black and white.

The story is one of those family dramas that the movies like to make, cheap and possible award bait.  Payne cast a lot of the actors against type.  Will Forte and Bob Odenkirk are usually thought of as comedians not low key dramatic actors.  Stacey Keach and Rance Howard are old time Hollywood personalities but it's amazing that Payne was able to get a cast like this to actually stay in character

The Midwestern country of Nebraska and Montana looks mighty grim and I would have to say that after actually driving through it this film has certainly captured the bleakness of that landscape.  The landscape in many ways is as important as the characters in this film.

Although the film is kind of a downer this is an impressive family drama

114 minutes.

2014 - A CHRISTMAS MYSTERY - No 8, that's all I could take.

Enough was finally enough.  Trying to get through contemporary Christmas films finally led me to the conclusion that all of these films suck.

Let's get this one out of the way, some actor named Esme Bianco is a hard hitting but hot reporter trying to figure out why her father disappeared years ago when she was 12.  Joined in her investigation is a piece of beefcake private investigator.  I don't have to paint anyone a picture where the plot of this one is going.

As seems to be the pattern with these Christmas films, this one has nothing to do with Christmas other than to provide a background for the lame mystery story the viewer has to sit through.  A Christmas Mystery is just another light weight love story featuring very good looking people who exist only in the world of white bread entertainment. 

If you are looking to evoke the spirit of Christmas, it's probably best to avoid these films and probably spend your time going to church or reading the Bible.

88 minutes.

1997 - THE 2ND DAY OF CHRISTMAS, #7

More from the Christmas clone machine with a few twists.  This one was filmed in Canada with Vancouver subbing for New York City so at least there is snow on the ground.

The cast is not that bad.  Mark Ruffalo who now plays The Hulk in those Marvel movies is the lead.  The Hulk character is either a step up from bad Christmas movies or a step down for Ruffalo.  Mary Stuart Masterson is the female lead.  She's a shoplifter who plays the Aunt to yet another child actress.  Masterson  is trying to raise the kid by making the peculiar parenting choice of teaching her to shoplift.  She gets caught by the Hulk guy and in a very contrived situation has to spend the Christmas holiday with him.  Guess what's going to happen next?

Just more of the same in this movie.  The 2nd Day of Christmas is competently directed by James Frawley who has had a long career directing TV shows and movies.  He directed the first Muppet movie and that funny cult classic The Big Bus.  So at least this thing is well made.

96 Minutes.

1986 - A SMOKY MOUNTAIN CHRISTMAS. #6 in the Christmas film marathon

It's sure not getting any easier watching Christmas films this month.  I decided on a different approach and went with more established entertainment personalities.  That is how I ended up watching a film with Dolly Parton and Lee Majors as the stars and actor Henry Winker calling the shots behind the camera. 

Lee is first billed on the credits but Dolly takes a screen credit for original story and what a story.  Dolly plays a famous country western singer who wants to get back to her roots by returning to the Smoky Mountains in Tennessee.  She goes to a remote cabin where she finds seven count em seven orphans hiding out.  She meets Lee Majors playing a character called Mountain Dan and there is an evil mountain witch involved.  Yes, Dolly has cribbed the plot for her original story from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Usually in these Christmas movies the director has one obnoxious child actor to deal with but Director Winkler must have had his hands full dealing with seven of these little monsters, none of whom can act.  Dolly plays herself and sings a lot of songs on the guitar.  In fact she spits out Christmas songs like they were used pieces of chewing gum.  Lee Majors as "Mountain Dan"  plays the same character he always played in The Fall Guy or The Six Million Dollar Man, so there is some comfort in.  Henry Winkler doesn't show much talent behind the camera the film is barely competent in the staging, the actors kind of stumble around the sets.

 Throughout the film the viewer is constantly reminded of what a "hot chick" Dolly Parton is.  Frankly with her weird body, painted on makeup and her very large hair which actually overshadows her very large bosom she's kind of gross and how many women living in a cabin in the mountains walk around in stiletto heels?

Another horrible holiday movie which has nothing to do with the Christmas holiday.

94 minutes.

2010 - CHRISTMAS CUPID, #5 in the Christmas countdown

This is the Christmas movie where our heroine is called a "slut" and a "bitch" by a Christmas spirit in this updating of the Charles Dickens story.

What can be said by now upon finishing this Christmas film.  Some singer who I've barely heard of named Christina Milan is visited by the ghosts of three boyfriends from the past, present and future.  I've got the drill by down by now, it's another film about a woman trying to get a boyfriend with the Christmas holiday serving as the background to all this relationship stuff.

I'm not exactly sure who the intended audience for this film was.  You wouldn't want to watch it with Grandma and probably not with your younger daughter the last thing anyone needs in a Christmas movie is a bunch of pseudo sexuality stuck into a so called Christmas film.

Well anyway as with the previous films, it's poorly acted and badly written.  This movie does have a little more polish to it mostly because the production had a bigger budget than the other films I've been watching.  Still Christmas Cupid is a very worthless film.

85 minutes.

2004 - A VERY COOL CHRISTMAS, #4 in the Christmas movie viewing marathon

Crappy production values, another look-a-like bunch of teenage actors and "where's my paycheck" performer George Hamilton probably shooting every scene in one take so he could get the hell off the set. 

This is a so called Christmas comedy involves for lack of a better phrase. A valley girl hanging around at the shopping mall comes to realize that the real Santa Claus is actually working the kid greeting kiosk posing for pictures.  For reasons that are just incredibly stupid, she gives Santa a makeover and he comes out looking like George Hamilton.  But not just any old George Hamilton he has his special Santa powers of flying in a sled or a hot sports car and popping down chimneys.  

The valley girl played by some actress named Brooke Niven was the future star of I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer, is another bubble brained latte drinking teenager that accompanies Santa Hamilton on his Christmas Eve journey.  There seems to be a lot of these types of teenagers showing up in Christmas movies.

As stupid as this movie is it still can't touch A Mom For Christmas as the bottom of the barrel of recent Christmas movies.  Frankly, watching these films is getting tough.

90 minutes.

2007 - A GRANDPA FOR CHRISTMAS, #3 in the Christmas film countdown.

A slight improvement in quality from the previous Christmas epic A Mom for Christmas.  This film is better only because the cast of professional actors is so much better than the non-acting bunch of that film with one exception.  That exception is yet another dreadful little child actor named Juliette Goglia.  This kid not only over emotes but sings and dances like some kind of Las Vegas showgirl.  Goglia just can't sing a song at a school Christmas pageant she has to murder it.  She dances and struts all over the stage like Elizabeth Berkley in Showgirls.

Probably the main attraction is the adult cast of the film.  It's a list of professional TV actors headed by that old trooper Ernest Borgnine who must have been pushing about 90 years old when they finished this.  Borgnine worked into his mid 90's in the entertainment business.

Honestly, this film isn't so hot.  The story is another one of those family dramas where nobody likes or understands each other mostly because of some misunderstanding that occurred years ago.  These kinds of stories could be easily resolved if everyone sat down and talked to each other but then there would be no movie.

This is the kind of film that would be considered safe viewing for the entire family.  Everyone can relate to a sentimental story of a family coming together during the Christmas season and Ernest Borgnine is basically a big loveable teddy bear.

120 minutes