1961 - THE GREEN ARCHER aka DER GRUNE BOGENSCHUTZE

This is a crime thriller set in a creepy old mansion which features a masked man dressed in green like Robin Hood running around a castle killing people with arrows.  The overly complicated plot involves a corrupt American businessman played by German actor Gert Frobe who when he isn't yelling at people he's holding people prisoner in a secret room, harassing his niece, planning to flee the country with his fortune and seeking revenge on his brother who took the woman he loved from him.  And that's just the beginning of this film. Where does The Green Archer fit into all of this?  I was never entirely sure, the archer is either trying to kill Frobe or is working for him.

To get an idea of the goofy nature of this film, one of the other characters in the film is a reporter who frequently breaks character by talking directly to the audience.  What soon becomes obvious during this film's running time is that the whole film has it's tongue firmly in it's cheek and the dead pan acting of the rest of the cast is really part of the joke.  The exception to playing it straight is Gert Frobe whose performance can only be described as so over the top I couldn't even figure out where the top is.  Frobe is chiefly remembered as the James Bond villain Goldfinger and that larger than life villain can't touch Frorbe's crazed bad guy performance in this film.  The female lead is played by Karin Dor another James Bond villain alumnus.  Dor was Helga Brandt in You Only Live Twice who ended up getting eaten by piranha's.

 

This film was based on a book by an English writer named Edgar Wallace who worked in the 1920's and 30's pumping out these overly complicated crime thrillers.  This story is clearly very dated and the filmmakers probably made the right decision to just spoof the crime/mystery aspect of this film.

 

The Green Archer entertains by virtue of it's absurd plot and Gert Frobe's crazed performance.  The film is set in London but it's a German production with German actors which gives it's a very surreal feeling.

Written by Wolfgang Schnitzier and Wolfgang Menge, the running time is 93 minutes. 

2026 - REMARKABLY BRIGHT CREATURES - the talking octopus movie

In the great tradition of talking animal shows such as Francis the Talking Mule, Mr. Ed the talking horse and I suppose, My Mother The Car the talking 1928 car comes Remarkably Bright Creatures. It features a taking octopus as the narrator of this film.  I guess there is some precedent for this as Shakespeare had a narrative chorus in Henry the Fifth and Romeo and Juliet.  Into the Woods features a narrator as does The Big Lebowski.  Although there is only one voice in Remarkably Bright Creatures, I could have seen a chorus of octopuses (octopi?) telling this story.  The name of the octopus by the way is Marcellus.

The film follows people living in a small Pacific Northwest town with a particular emphasis on Tova Sullivan an old woman played by 79 year old Sally Field.  She is about to transition into a senior living facility and still dealing with the death of her son and husband.  She works at an aquarium where she pours out her troubles to Marcellus the octopus who listens attentively. 

Also featured in this film is Cameron Cassmore a young drifter who Tova meets and begins to form a bond with.  Cameron is played by Lewis Pullman the son of actor Bill Pullman.  Lewis Pullman gives a decent performance as a confused young man although this role is a big step up from his appearance in that Marvel film Thunderbolts where he played the idiot member of the team.

Frankly the drama and situations in this film are nothing you haven't seen in any other "relationship" film.  Let's bring a couple of very different people together and have them find things in common so they can "bond."  Secrets will be revealed and heartwarming lessons will be learned.  The talking octopus shtick is really just a gimmick and doesn't add anything to the story.  There's also a surprise twist towards the end of this film which as far as I'm concerned is also another plot gimmick.

 This film was based on a popular book and I guess Netflix should get some credit for making a film that doesn't feature aging action stars in some improbable "shoot em up" film.  Remarkably Bright Creatures is a nice safe and boring film to watch with grandma or an elderly aunt.

The film was written by Olivia Newman and John Whittington, the running time is 111 minutes. 

20126 - THEIR FINEST, there will always be an England especially during World War II

Their Finest is a film set in London during World War II.  Gemma Arteron is a woman who manages to get a job in the British Government's propaganda department as a secretary.  Being a bright young thing she works her way up as a screenwriter working on a film about the evacuation of Dunkirk. The film's plot involves the making of this Dunkirk film which is hampered by lots of story compromises and issues that arise from the British Government's interference in the film making.

 

Gemma Arterton is the main character the film focuses on as she manages her professional and personal life.  Bill Nighy is the hammy actor cast in the film, he gets all the funny stuff.  Richard E. Grant and Jeremy Irons play the usual stuffed shirt government officials trying to control the making of the film, you can't have an English film without them.  There's a love interest for Arterton and lots of amusing film making jokes for the movie nerds watching.  There's even a thinly disguised portrait of legendary Hungarian film producer Alexander Korda who relocated to England before the war.    

  

This is a modest and enjoyable film for the most part although I think the ending was kind of a mistake .  Gemma Arteron is really the glue that holds this film together with her understated and effective performance.  Arteron should really be a bigger star but her appearances in some big budgeted Hollywood films didn't seem to do it for her.  

 

Written by Gaby Chiappe, the running time is 117 minutes.

1963 - CHARADE, excellent romantic thriller

This is an excellent and very entertaining comedy thriller made by Hollywood professionals at the peak of their abilities.  It starred Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn and who ever had the inspired idea to team them up as a romantic couple should have gotten a big bonus.  Here are two stars who really deliver the goods.  Cary Grant had done enough Hitchcock films so he knew how to balance the comedic and suspense elements in this story.  Audrey Hepburn was no slouch either.  She had also performed in romantic comedies and dramas with great success.  These two performers were very experienced actors when it came to making films and they really knew how to deliver the romantic couple goods.

 

The director Stanley Donen had worked at MGM during it's peak period when they were producing stylish musicals.  Donen along with Gene Kelly had created an impressive body of work with films like On The Town, Singing In The Rain and the underrated It's Always Fair Weather.  On his own he directed Seven Brides For Seven Brothers and Funny Face.   As the musical genre wrapped up Donen focused on sophisticated comedies and in this case romantic thrillers.  Charade was one of his best films.

  

A big part of Charade's success is the screenplay by Peter Stone and Marc Behm which balanced the comedy, romance and suspense elements.  The cinematographer Charles Lang was one of Hollywood's top cameraman who had worked with John Sturges, Billy Wilder, Fritz Lang and Joseph L. Mankiewicz. With this kind of talent Charade could hardly miss.  It was a critical and commercial hit. 

 

The running time is 113 minutes.  

2013 - BEAUTIFUL CREATURES , gothic southern teen love story stuff

We're south of the Mason Dixon line in South Carolina where sensitive teenager Ethan Wate is about to fall in love.  How do we know he's sensitive?  Well he's reading Charles Bukowski and Kurt Vonnegut and it's not even on the assigned reading list for his high school English class.  Into his life comes transfer student Lena Duchannes from the far way land of New York City.  Ethan is immediately smitten with her and vice versa.  But Lena has a big secret she is secretly a "caster" (witch) who has magic powers.  When she turns 16 she will either become a good caster or an evil caster.  Can Mason stop Lena from turning into an evil caster?  He will have to fight the powers of darkness to keep this from happening.  I guess that means Mason needs to read more Charles Bukowski novels or something.

 

So what we have here is a variation on the Twilight series except this time it's a girl with supernatural powers instead of a boy.  The viewer has to sit through a lot of mumble jumble about casters, reincarnation, magic spell books and mysterious magic people who secretly co-exist with us mortals.  I am reluctant to say this film reminds me of the old Elizabeth Montgomery TV series Bewitched because that would be wrong.  However it does remind me of the spinoff to Bewitched, Tabatha who was Elizabeth Montgomery's witch daughter. 

 

The cast of this film is the usual bunch of actors in their 20's trying to pass for 15 year old teenagers.  Somehow Jeremy Irons, Emma Thompson and Viola Davis also got roped into this foolishness and they really should have known better.   The writer/director Richard LaGravenese was the one responsible for this southern gothic young adult fiction nonsense.  He's usually a competent writer but in this case he should have known better.

 

Beautiful Creatures stumbles through it's contrived teenage love story trying to create it's magical world  but in the end the world building is just tiresome and dissatisfying.  Beautiful Creatures is part of a four book series and clearly the intention was to make another Twilight series.  But the movie was an under performer and that put an end to the studio's money making dreams.  My advice would be to dig out your copy of The Wizard of Oz and watch that again.

The running time of this film is 124 long minutes.  

1982 - WE OF THE NEVER NEVER, drama about living in the Australian Outback is really boring

Good intentions in a film about a do gooder do not a good movie make.  You actually have to have a compelling story to maintain a viewer's interest.   This is not one of these stories even though it is apparently true. We Of The Never Never was an acclaimed novel which was a thinly disguised true story which the author modified by replacing the names of the actual people with fictitious names.

In brief, this film follows the story of a woman named Jeannie Gunn who marries a man who is relocating to a cattle station (ranch) in the Australian Outback circa 1902.  After a difficult journey Jeannie is confronted by the drovers (cowboys) who work at the station and think that a woman has no place in the Outback.  Jeannie also decides to befriend the Aboriginals living at the station much to the disgust of the drovers who are a bunch of wouldn't you know it racists.  Will Jeannie win over the drovers and the Aboriginals at the station or is she setting herself up for failure?  Well it's fairly easy to guess which way this plot is heading if you've ever seen an episode of Little House On The Prairie. 

 

We Of The Never Never is actually decently acted.  The main role of Jeannie Gunn is performed by an Australian actor named Angela Punch McGregor who plays her like a regular down under version of Elizabeth Cady Stanton.  She's basically the whole show as she struts around the cattle station doing good deed stuff.

 

This is frankly a very boring film.  It is so low key there's nothing actually dramatic that happens in it's very long running time.  The best thing the film has going for it is the cinematography.  The Australian Outback may be a hell hole but it is certainly a very photogenic hell hole. We Of The Never Never is available on YouTube for your viewing pleasure and is a great way to fall asleep for insomniac viewers.

The film was written by Peter Schreck, the running time is 134 minutes.  

1942 - YANKEE DOODLE DANDY, Cagney brillantly plays George M. Cohan

James Cagney usually remembered for gangster roles had been a "song and dance" man in his early days in show business.  He can be seen in the Busby Berkley film Footlight Parade performing with lead footed Ruby Keeler.  Yankee Doodle Dandy is the high point in the dancing part of his career.  This film is very loosely based story on the legendary Broadway performer George M. Cohan with Cohan's best songs integrated into the plot.

Made during World War II, Yankee Doodle Dandy is an extremely patriotic film with the emphasis on extremely.  As much as it spotlights Cagney's musical numbers there is an awful lot of cornball flag waving throughout the film which you kind of have to roll with.  Still Cagney dominates the film with his great performance and that kind of weird stiff dance style he had.

 

The film was directed by ace studio director Michael Curtiz. At his peak Curtiz could make a film in about every film genre be it swashbucklers, horror films, gangster films and in this case musicals.  Curtiz was aided by a superb production crew.  James Wong was a legendary cinematographer especially when working in black and white film.  The film was edited by George Amy.  Editors never get enough credit for pulling a film together.  But above all Michael Curtiz really moved this film along.  Each scene is very well paced.  It's nice to see a filmmaker who actually knows how to make a film.

 

The cast is from the familiar Warner Brother's stock company.  Walter Huston is Cagney's father, Joan Leslie (age 17) plays Cagney's wife, Rosemary DeCamp, George Tobias, S. Z. Sakall (aka Cuddles Sakall) and film director Richard Worfe as Cohen's business partner all show up.  This bunch was in a lot of Warner Brothers films in the 1930's and 40'a.  Yankee Doodle Dandy is certainly a high point in professional Hollywood film making.

The film was written by Robert Busckner and Edmund Joseph, the running time is 126 minutes.    

2026 - SHELTER, this year's Jason Statham film

With the inevitability of a returning season this is the yearly Jason Statham action film no better or no worse than any of his other films.  In Shelter, Statham is a man living alone on a deserted island with an abandoned lighthouse on it.  Washing up onto the beach is a teenage girl who has survived a ship sinking.  It turns out Statham is an ex special ops agent skilled at killing a lot of people all at once or one at a time.  His cover is now blown and so the chase is on.   Will Statham be able to stop the army of assassins sent out to kill before he can save the girl and get her to safety?  Have you guessed the very obvious answer to that question?

The teenage girl is played by somebody with a tongue twister of a name called Bodhi Rae Breathnach she interacts with Statham fairly well.  Award winning actor Bill Nighy (as in what am I doing in this film) is the leader of the assassins and since this a Jason Statham film you know he's going to get it.

 

The director Ric Roman Waugh was a former stuntman who had worked on The Last of the Mohicans, The Last Action Hero and the bizarre meta universe film The One, so he knew his way around staging the action scene stuff which is for the most part fairly well done. 

 

Shelter is the usual time killer of a film.  It keeps the viewers interest from beginning to the end or at least until the next Statham film comes rolling along in 2027.

The film was written by Ward Perry, the running time is 107 minutes.

1967 - CHUKA, typical Western with an unusual cast.

Set in the American West it's the old story where the fort is surrounded by some savage Native Americans who the U.S. Army has decided to let starve to death.  Understandably the Native Americans are pissed.  Into this mess comes gunfighter Chuka and a whole bunch of other characters with lots of subplots to wade through.

Chuka has an eclectic cast to put it mildly.  He-Man Australian actor Rod Taylor is the gunfighter Chuka.  British actor John Mills is the weakling Colonel in charge of the fort.  Ernest Borgnine who was in a lot of films and TV shows (this guy liked to work) is the sadistic Army Sergeant.  Michael Cole the future "Pete" from The Mod Squad is a treacherous soldier.  Another busy actor James Whitmore is an alcoholic scout for the Army.

 

Well it gets better, Italian actress Luciana Paluzzi plays a Mexican Senora.  Paluzzi played Fiona Volpe a SPECTRE assassin in Thunderball which kind of typecast her.  Playing Paluzzi's niece is American model Victoria Vetri who would star as a scantly clad cave woman in When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth.

 

Chuka is a film that has a fairly sympathetic view of the Arapaho Indians but that doesn't seem to slow down the number of Indians that Chuka shots with his trusty six shooter.  The film was directed by Gordon Douglas who had a long career it not a particularly distinguished one as a filmmaker.  Rod Taylor has a producer credit on this film.  Chuka is kind of the same old Western film stuff for the most part, been there done that.

The film was written by Richard Jessup who authored the original story, the running time is 95 minutes.

1974 - WINTER SOLSTICE, somebody's idea of a bad joke

I've heard of avant-garde filmmaker Hollis Frampton who made lots of experimental films in his career and shot on 16mm film no less.  So being a lover, nerd of film this seemed like the time to check one of them out.  I chose to inflict upon myself Winter Solstice.

Winter Solstice was apparently filmed at a steel mill and consists of a lot and I mean a log of shaky camera work of stuff on fire, stuff burning and vats of molten steel bubbling away.  I suspect Fampton's footage is so shaky because he was trying to avoid getting burned.  Apparently he never learned from his parents at a young age to keep away from hot stoves.

 

Did I mention the film is silent?  Well it is in color although the primary color is yellow as the bright burning materials of the steel mill literally burn into the 16mm negative.

 

I hate to say this since this is a quote i despise from the legendary film team of Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert but "this is 33 minutes of my life I will never get back."  The best way to sum it all up is that this  is really boring. 

2025 - DUST BUNNY, a fantasy horror film for the kids.

It must be the weekend for strange films.  Dust Bunny has been described by it's writer/director as a "horror film for the family" and that's probably not far from the truth.  The plot has a little girl convinced that a monster is hiding under her bed.  Unsurprisingly there is a monster under her bed and it proceeds to eat her parents.  To stop the monster, she robs from a collection plate during a Catholic Mass and uses it to hire a hit man who just happens to live in the apartment across the hall from her to kill the monster.

The film mixes the fantasy elements, action scenes and the budding relationship between the hit man and the little girl quite well.  The director Bryan Fuller is an experienced hand at this kind of storytelling.  He's written for the television shows Pushing Daisies, Hannibal, Star Trek Voyager and Deep Space Nine.  I think it's safe to say he knows his way around macabre stuff like this.

 

Dust Bunny has a great cast.  Mads Mikkelsen is the hit man and when I think of him he's usually an unrepentant bad guy.  Sigourney Weaver is Mikkelsen's contact for hit man jobs.  She first played an action hero in Alien and 40 years later she's still kicking butt.  The young girl Sophie Sloan was about 10 years old when she acted in this film and she gives a very droll performance.  Mikkelson and Sloan work very well together in this film.

 

Dust Bunny is another off the wall film that really should find an audience it's a lot of weird fun especially for fans of the fantasy genre.

The running time is 106 minutes. 

2025 - GOOD LUCK, HAVE FUN, DON'T DIE, amusing science fiction comedy

A time traveler from the future (where else) arrives at a diner in Los Angeles to save the planet earth.  He believes that some of the customers at the diner can help even though this is his 117 attempt at averting disaster.  What is exactly menacing earth?  Well Apple cell phones and AI of course.

This is an entertaining film coming from a very quirky filmmaker Gore Verbinski.  Verbinski had some big hits with his horror film The Ring and the first three Pirates of the Caribbean films aka "the good ones."  The writer Matthew Robinson is an equally quirky guy.  He's written The Invention of Lying and Love and Monsters.  Unsurprisingly this is one odd ball of a film.

 

The cast is odd as well particularly Sam Rockwell as the man from the feature and Haley Lu Richadson whose job is to dress up as a sort of Disney princess to entertain little girls at birthday parties.  In a key plot point she has an allergy to cell phones.

 

Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die is an eccentric film that the studio dumped with a release in February.  Nobody at the studio clearly knew how to market it.  What a disappointment, this film really deserved to be seen by an audience. Hopefully it will be rediscovered in the streaming world.

 The running time is 134 minutes. 

1954 - FEAR, aka ANGST aka really dreary film

Well they can't all be neorealist masterpieces and this film from Roberto Rossellini is one tedious film.  The film stars Ingrid Bergman who was in a famously scandalous affair with Rossellini after being impressed with his post World War 2 Italian films made on location and with non actors. Bergman ended up leaving Hollywood and her husband moved to Italy where she collaborated with Rossellini on a series of so-so films.  Hey that's the power of films to influence people's lives I guess.

Fear is set in post war Germany during the reconstruction of Europe.  Supposedly Rossellini wanted to examine how reconstruction was affecting Germany but who was he kidding this is just a very dull marital drama.

 

In this film Bergman is a woman cheating on her husband with a younger man while also being blackmailed by the younger man's ex girlfriend.  Bergman is trying to keep her affair secret but the situation is slowly unraveling.

 

Rossellini as usual filmed on real locations to add some substance to this drama, but all the location filming in Germany wasn't going to bring this monotonous soap opera to life.  I've seen more interesting drama on General Hospital. 

Fear was written by Roberto Rossellini, Franz von Treuberg and Sergio Amidel.  The running time is 83 minutes.

1974 - ZANDY'S BRIDE, a western and a love story (maybe)

In the old west rancher Zandy Allen has decided he wants to marry.  He places an ad in a newspaper and Hannah Lund agrees to be his mail order bride.  It turns out that Zandy is a real misogynist and treats his new bride like a piece of crap as he looks at her like she's a breed mare.  It's battle of the sexes time as Hannah fights to earn respect from Zandy. 

The leads are played by Gene Hackman as Zandy Allen and Hannah Lund played be Liv Ullmann.  However I would have to say that Hackman is playing one of the most repellent characters I have ever seen in film.  Watching this film it's impossible to understand why the Liv Ullmann character would ever stick around to be mentally and physically abused by this guy.

 

The other issue with the film is the storytelling. With the exception of Hackman's larger than life asshole of a character this film is mighty low key storytelling. The director Jan Troell is a Swedish filmmaker trying to blend his  European filmmaker sensibility onto a simple American western.  Troell gets some very mixed results.  I suspect the American  settings might have been a little beyond his ability to get a handle on this Hollywood production.

 

The film was shot on location in the Big Sur area of California so the locations are mighty impressive to look at.  Jan Troell was always a very strong visual director particularly in his Scandinavian films..  The scenery is probably the best thing in this film but most film goers usually don't watch movies for the pretty pictures.  

The film was written by Marc Norman, the running time is 97 minutes.