2009 - TRANSFORMERS REVENGE OF THE FALLEN, or watching hard core porn this weekend

Transformers Revenge of the Fallen is a long but very busy summer movie. It's not about giant robots from outer space. It's not about a new dimension in science fiction story telling. It's not about trailer trash Barbie doll Megan Fox who struggles to act. It's not about Shia LeBouf as a college bound boy who takes a detour to "Transformer Heaven" on the way to his Bachelor of Arts degree. It's a hard core military porno movie.

 

  

 

The whole reason for this film is for men to get their rocks off watching scenes of tough talking Patton like generals deploying their troops while sitting in front of giant TV monitors at the Pentagon. The generals say things like, "get me Central Command, clear that airspace for an immediate drop, and drop smoke for the air strike." It's got lots of scenes of soldiers staging up for attacks with their cool weapons. 

 

I will skip the obvious metaphor of the big gun as a penis substitute because anyone can make that connection, but who couldn't help but notice that the civilian put in charge of the elite military unit was clearly an impotent homosexual bent on ruining everything the military had been training for. This was a cunning commentary on the need for a continued persecution of gays in the United States military. There is even a mention of President Obama being sent to an underground hideout because just for the record he is clearly a wimp as well. George Bush didn't run and hide after 911, I think.

 In the end the United States military and I want to make this clear, the UNITED STATES military saves the world from the evil robots. We got no help from NATO or any of those worthless Third World countries. We...the UNITED STATES military won the battle, the nice giant robots helped a little bit but we dropped all the bombs on the Iranians or Decepticons or what ever they were called, it doesn't really matter. The final scene is of the cast sailing away on an aircraft carrier into the sunset, because in the end that's the way it had to be. It was a perfect ending to help celebrate our nation's birthday. After the movie ended I went outside and fondled my son's green army men for a long time, it was very satisfying. 

Running time 149 minutes, written by Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman.